


i wish you would walk with me out into the world

by kivalka



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Getting Back Together, Gwaine is an unintentional wingman, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, References to Illness, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:15:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24998170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kivalka/pseuds/kivalka
Summary: Nine years after their breakup, a chance meeting brings Arthur and Merlin back together.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 227





	i wish you would walk with me out into the world

**Author's Note:**

> quick story because i am a sucker for getting back together fics
> 
> title is from mary oliver's "milkweed"
> 
> as ever, i do not own any of these characters. 
> 
> thanks for reading!

Though Gwaine’s new flat was on the second floor, Merlin heard the welcome bustle of the housewarming party (Gwaine had insisted that “flat-warming” wasn’t a word) from the bottom of the stairs. Not bothering to knock, Merlin slipped in to the already-familiar flat. He had helped Gwaine move in, but it had still taken the man two months to get the place to an acceptable condition to host a housewarming party, and another six weeks to get around to actually inviting people. Merlin had taken the fact that _Gwaine_ had needed over three months to organise a party – one that started as early as 7pm – as a true harbinger of old age. 

Noticing Gwaine in the kitchen, Merlin made his way over. “I brought wine,” he said in lieu of greeting, setting the bottle on the counter.

“Good man, Merlin!” Gwaine clapped him on the shoulder. Merlin heard a strangled cough and realised he had interrupted a conversation. Gwaine, excellent host that he was, immediately sought to smoothly remedy the situation. 

“Not sure if you’ve met Arthur, Merlin,” he said, taking a step back so the two could see each other. 

Merlin froze, incredulous. Arthur Pendragon had changed since the last time Merlin had seen him, nearly a decade ago, when Merlin had decided he’d had enough and walked out of Arthur’s life. Arthur had grown out his hair a bit, and he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt instead of those godawful khakis and button-downs he used to sport to casual functions. And he’d aged, like they all had. But it was definitely Arthur. They stared at each other.

It was Gwaine’s turn to cough. “I take it you two are already acquainted, then.”

Merlin glanced at Gwaine, then lifted his chin in Arthur’s direction. A challenge, but also a concession – no matter what the past held, Arthur’s secrets were not Merlin’s to divulge. 

Arthur cleared his throat. “We dated. In uni. For about two years.” 

Gwaine raised his eyebrows, but he didn’t seem unduly shocked. Which, Merlin inferred, meant that Arthur wasn’t playing his straight-as-a-beanpole game anymore. Interesting. 

“Ah,” Gwaine said after a long, pregnant pause, in which it became clear that neither Arthur nor Merlin would volunteer any more information. “Well, I’ll leave you two to catch up. Or avoid each other all night. As you wish.” He flashed them a grin, then disappeared to greet new arrivals. 

Arthur swirled his rum and coke around in his glass. Chatter and music filled the flat, but to Merlin, the ice cubes clinking in Arthur’s drink were the loudest sounds in the room. Eager for something to do, Merlin grabbed a beer from the counter and made a show of uncapping it slowly. He put the bottle opener back down with a click. 

“So,” Arthur said, and Merlin nearly jumped out of his skin. “How have you been?” 

“You mean you haven’t drunkenly stalked me on Facebook recently?”

Arthur huffed out a surprised laugh, and _fuck_ , that smile of his was just as gorgeous as it had always been. 

Merlin took a sip of his beer. “I’ve been alright. Good, actually. Had to move back to Ealdor for a while a few years ago. Mum got breast cancer and needed someone to look after her.”

“I’m sorry,” Arthur said gently. And he really looked it – Hunith had always been kind to him, even though he hadn’t wanted to tell even her about his and Merlin’s relationship. 

Merlin shrugged. “Thanks. She made full recovery, though, so I’m back in the city, still working at the hospital. Transferred out of A&E. I’m a surgical nurse, now. Better hours.” There was a pause during which Arthur nodded and Merlin very deliberately did not mention many other things that had happened since they’d last seen one another. Then Merlin said, “You?”

Arthur swirled his drink again. “I’m good as well. I, uh, I came out to my father. About five years ago.”

“How’d that go?” Merlin meant for his tone to be teasing, but he wasn’t sure he succeeded.

“About as badly as it could’ve gone. He vowed never to speak to me again.”

“Shit.” 

“Yeah. I was half-expecting it, though. It was still hard, obviously, but…” Arthur didn’t meet Merlin’s gaze. “Listen, Merlin…I don’t mean to open up an old can of worms, but you were right, all those years ago. I was miserable, working for my father, pretending to be someone else just to make him happy. If you hadn’t pointed it out to me, I might never have had the guts to do anything about it, even if it did take me three years to get around to it. And…even though I wish I still had my father, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, now. So I guess what I’m trying to say is thanks for knocking some sense into me, and I’m sorry for not listening to you when I should have.” 

Merlin could feel his heart hammering. He smiled. “I’m glad you’re happy, Arthur.”

Gwaine, Leon, and Percy chose that exact moment to come bursting into the kitchen, loudly arguing about football. Merlin didn’t see Arthur again all evening. 

___________________________________

“So, let’s recap,” Gwen said at brunch two weeks later. “When you broke up with Arthur just after uni, you were still in love with him.”

“Yes.” Merlin pushed his eggs and potatoes around on his plate.

“But you don’t regret your decision.”

“No! I was miserable, but I would’ve been even more miserable if I’d been Arthur’s hidden side relationship like he wanted me to be. He idolized his father and was ready to do anything to make that dickhead happy. I just couldn’t!” Merlin felt like he was twenty-three again, explaining one of the worst days of his life to Gwen over a very similar brunch.

Just as she had been then, Gwen was relentless: “So now you run into Arthur for the first time since then, because apparently he’s friends with Gwaine, and you realise you still have feelings for him.”

“Yeah.” Merlin bowed his head, frustrated. It had taken him much too long to get over Arthur, but he was over him now, had been for years, and suddenly the guy came waltzing back into his life for ten minutes and Merlin couldn’t get him out of his head. 

“But,” Gwen pressed, “When you run into him, he’s changed. He tells you that you were right and he apologizes.”

“Yes.”

“Which is exactly what you hoped he would say when you broke up with him.”

“Yes.”

“I therefore fail to see a problem.”

Merlin looked up in surprise. “What?”

Gwen’s tone was gentle. “Don’t _what_ me, love, it’s obvious. You need to call Arthur, tell him you still have feelings, and see if he wants to rekindle the relationship. I’ll text Gwaine right now to get Arthur’s number.”

“No! Don’t even think about it!” Merlin was going for playful, but it came out more on the panicky side. Gwen must have noticed, as she lowered her phone and looked at him with concern.

“What’s wrong, Merlin? Just the other day you were saying you wanted to think about settling down, and all of a sudden here comes someone who you already have feelings for, who says exactly what you wanted him to say. Just call him, what have you got to lose?”

“Only my heart,” Merlin said miserably. 

“Drama queen.” Gwen looked like she was trying very hard not to laugh.

“It’s not funny!” 

“It was a little bit.”

“Fine,” Merlin relented, giving in to his urge to smile. “But seriously. Both of my long-term relationships have ended with me being head-over-heels in love with someone who doesn’t value me, who I have to pluck up the courage to break up with, and who it takes me way too long to get over. I don’t want that to happen again, and it just seems like asking for it to try and get back together with one of the previous culprits.”

Gwen squeezed Merlin’s hand. “You’re right. I never want to see you heartbroken like that again.” Merlin was about rejoice at her dropping the subject, when she added: “Will you regret it if you don’t call Arthur?”

Merlin sighed. “Probably.”  
___________________________________

Merlin lay on top of his bedsheets two days later, after a grueling shift at the hospital, his finger hovering over the call button. He’d typed Arthur’s number in as soon as Gwen had forwarded it to him, but he hadn’t gone any further yet. He still wasn’t certain that he should. 

Looking around his darkened room, Merlin considered how nice it would be to have someone to come home to who could give him a shoulder rub. He pressed call. 

Arthur picked up on the first ring. “Hello?”

“Hi, Arthur. It’s Merlin. I, uh, I got your number from Gwaine.”

“Ah, Merlin! To what do I owe the pleasure?” Arthur sounded casual enough, but Merlin could tell he was surprised.

“Um,” Merlin said. He really hadn’t thought this far ahead. “Well, as you said, I don’t necessarily want to open an old can of worms, so feel free to just refuse and we can go back to not speaking to one another…” Merlin felt his throat tighten. “But…after the party at Gwaine’s, I kind of realised that I still have feelings for you. Of a sort. So I thought…I dunno, you’ve changed, I’ve changed, maybe we could grab lunch or coffee sometime and see where it goes? If you want.”

Merlin waited.

On the other end of the line, Arthur breathed in deeply.

Still Merlin waited. 

At last Arthur said thickly, “I’d like that. I’d really like that.”  
___________________________________

Merlin leaned back onto the sofa’s cushions and breathed deeply, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. He kicked playfully at Arthur, who scooted forward so he was seated between Merlin’s legs, facing him.

Since their first lunch date two months ago, they had tacitly avoided wandering too far down memory lane. Whatever their relationship was had been going surprisingly smoothly, and Merlin, for his part, hadn’t wanted to bring up anything that might kindle an argument. But today they had somehow begun reminiscing about a particularly memorable episode involving Arthur’s sister Morgana, Merlin’s great-uncle Gaius, and a much too posh restaurant, and that mention of the past had gone astonishingly well. 

They sat catching their breath until Arthur placed his hands on Merlin’s knees and said, “You know, Merlin, while we’re on the topic of the past,” and Merlin’s heart clenched. He knew it was inevitable; they would have to unpack the reasons why their previous relationship hadn’t worked if they ever wanted this one to go anywhere, but _now_? 

Arthur pushed onward, oblivious, “I didn’t want to say at first because it would make me seem weird and creepy, but I think you should know…I never really got over you.”

“And admitting it now as opposed to a month ago is supposed to make you seem less weird and creepy?” Merlin teased, though his heart wasn’t in it.

“Shut up, I’m trying to be sappy.” 

Merlin scooped Arthur’s hands up from where they had been resting on his knees and began absentmindedly playing with them to distract himself from his increasing nerves.

“Anyway,” Arthur added, “What I’m trying to say is…I know I said this at Gwaine’s when we first met again, but I wanted to reiterate how sorry I am for the way I acted when we broke up…how sorry I am we broke up at all. You were right about everything: that I’d be miserable if I kept living a lie, that my father was manipulating me, that I took you for granted. Not valuing you enough, not listening to you, letting you go…it’s my biggest regret.”

Merlin’s hands stilled, and he stared and his and Arthur’s entwined fingers, just breathing for a moment. He felt he might be in danger of either melting into the couch or floating away through the ceiling – once again Arthur was saying exactly what Merlin had wished he would say. Eventually Merlin managed:

“You know, what you call ‘being sappy’ most people just call proper communication with their partner.”

“I just poured my heart out to you, and that’s what you say?”

Merlin laughed softly, then brought Arthur’s hands to his mouth, kissing the knuckles. “I don’t regret our breakup.” Arthur tensed, and Merlin backpedalled, “Wait! What I mean is I think you needed time. We both did. You weren’t ready to see the shortcomings in our relationship, and I don’t think you were ready to come out to your dad either. I was impatient and I didn’t really know where I was going in life. If we’d had to deal with your father’s bad parenting and my mum’s illness together and at the same time, I don’t think our relationship would’ve survived. I think we found each other again at the perfect moment.”

Arthur smiled, that gorgeous smile that had had Merlin spellbound from the very first day. “Once again, you’re absolutely right.”

“Better get used to it.”

Arthur crawled forward, leaning over Merlin, his smile turning suggestive. “Does that imply you’re going to stick around long enough for it to become a regular occurrence?”

Merlin thought of Arthur’s apology, how wonderful these past two months had been, his smile. As he pulled Arthur down for a kiss, Merlin found himself saying, “I think it does.”


End file.
